chew on this
monday is the day i go to the grocery store, today was no exception. somehow the gender roles in our family have been sorted along different lines than the traditional. as a result, a few of the "feminine" duties have become mine - namely: shopping and cooking. i enjoy cooking very much. shopping is enough to make me stick my head in the freezer.
for some reason, HEB finds it reasonable to rearrange the store's merchandising plan at least once a year. consequently, as soon as i have mastered the locations of all the products we buy; they redesign, and i am lost, once again. this infuriates me every time. i walk around the store in a medium-grade rage, cursing and muttering under my breath. last time it was so bad from every direction that HEB assigned some of its staff to "finder" status. that must have been wonderful to interact with people at their wit's end. i felt so bad for these college age students that i didn't even bother to approach them. i took the high road and suffered in silence.
the benefit of going to the store on monday morning is that is when it is sparsely populated. i get a little mental when too many people are around; i get completely insane when way too many people are around and they are blocking the aisles, and talking too loudly, and packing their baskets with the largest buckets of lard and sugar concoction they can find. i am always curious as to the contents of the carts others are pushing. i am amazed at how much junk is purchased on a daily basis. lots of people fill their carts with pre-processed crap that is sold in a box, and people are confused as to why we are so big in this country. if it comes packaged in a box, chances are that it will not be very good for your body. don't get me wrong, we buy some of that stuff too; i just like to limit our crap content to a containable level.
the other group that confuses me are the folks in the "health alternative" aisles. not only at HEB do i see these people; i work next door to whole foods market, and these folks are swarming around that place. i can only wonder why it is that when i see someone poring over the gluten-free, low-carb, dolphin-safe pasta selections, that person will not strike me as being the most healthy cat in the joint. usually this person looks malnourished. his clothes don't appear to be clean, his hair is a fright (unintentional dread-locks budding,) and he's sporting a pimply, pallid complexion. i get the whole chemical-free concept to "natural" grooming, but is this really necessary? isn't this a different form of devolution? to paraphrase dennis miller: there is no good reason for you to smell like a person eating limburger cheese while giving a permanent in the septic tank of a slaughter house. if i wanted my nose to be filled with the aroma of old pizza, a greasy hamburger and onions, i'd look under my bed in 1985. if these people are the face of organic food choices...sign me up for a double double and large fries. i'll wash it down with a jolt cola.
maybe i'll see you there someday. i'll be the self-aggrandizing jack-ass peeking into your basket while trying to avoid eye contact and conversation with everyone in the store. if i appear to be frustrated, please don't take it personally. i'm simply trying to keep myself from thrusting my head in the lobster tank.
for some reason, HEB finds it reasonable to rearrange the store's merchandising plan at least once a year. consequently, as soon as i have mastered the locations of all the products we buy; they redesign, and i am lost, once again. this infuriates me every time. i walk around the store in a medium-grade rage, cursing and muttering under my breath. last time it was so bad from every direction that HEB assigned some of its staff to "finder" status. that must have been wonderful to interact with people at their wit's end. i felt so bad for these college age students that i didn't even bother to approach them. i took the high road and suffered in silence.
the benefit of going to the store on monday morning is that is when it is sparsely populated. i get a little mental when too many people are around; i get completely insane when way too many people are around and they are blocking the aisles, and talking too loudly, and packing their baskets with the largest buckets of lard and sugar concoction they can find. i am always curious as to the contents of the carts others are pushing. i am amazed at how much junk is purchased on a daily basis. lots of people fill their carts with pre-processed crap that is sold in a box, and people are confused as to why we are so big in this country. if it comes packaged in a box, chances are that it will not be very good for your body. don't get me wrong, we buy some of that stuff too; i just like to limit our crap content to a containable level.
the other group that confuses me are the folks in the "health alternative" aisles. not only at HEB do i see these people; i work next door to whole foods market, and these folks are swarming around that place. i can only wonder why it is that when i see someone poring over the gluten-free, low-carb, dolphin-safe pasta selections, that person will not strike me as being the most healthy cat in the joint. usually this person looks malnourished. his clothes don't appear to be clean, his hair is a fright (unintentional dread-locks budding,) and he's sporting a pimply, pallid complexion. i get the whole chemical-free concept to "natural" grooming, but is this really necessary? isn't this a different form of devolution? to paraphrase dennis miller: there is no good reason for you to smell like a person eating limburger cheese while giving a permanent in the septic tank of a slaughter house. if i wanted my nose to be filled with the aroma of old pizza, a greasy hamburger and onions, i'd look under my bed in 1985. if these people are the face of organic food choices...sign me up for a double double and large fries. i'll wash it down with a jolt cola.
maybe i'll see you there someday. i'll be the self-aggrandizing jack-ass peeking into your basket while trying to avoid eye contact and conversation with everyone in the store. if i appear to be frustrated, please don't take it personally. i'm simply trying to keep myself from thrusting my head in the lobster tank.
posted by cm at 12/06/2005
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