food for thought
as is often the case, i had a strange, but predictable experience today.
generally speaking, i don't really like people very much. a person, yes. i will usually enjoy our time together; but , get too many people in one place and all i can do is notice the things i dislike and wish i were anywhere else. i don't usually start to panic or anything, but it has happened. people- when gathered in groups- tend to be loud, talk about stupid crap that makes me ill, and laugh about the most inane, idiotic, trite "jokes" in an attempt to appear to be having a good time. it just drives me nuts, and i HAVE to escape- even if it's only into my own mind. if i'm starting to sound like ted kaczynski, you aren't the first to notice the similarity.
once every three weeks, i volunteer at the hays county food bank. i go on wednesday nights, and we meet at a local community hall. local restaurants and grocery stores donate their unusable perishable foods to the food bank and i get the opportunity to help distribute these items to people from the local area who are truly in need. it is a great gesture on the part of the donating businesses; but, perhaps not as altruistic as it may appear. do they help feed the poor and desperate of america? absolutely. but they also are able to take a pretty nice tax deduction on perishable materials they were going to be unable to use in any profitable way. it is a wash in my mind, but i bet the folks that are able to eat tonight are thanking God for heb and its corporate generosity.
i got to the work place a little early (as requested) and i had about 20 minutes to kill before the recipients were allowed to enter the hall and begin accepting what food we had to offer. in the 20 minute interlude, there is really nothing to do -just sit and wait. there were about 12 people volunteering tonight, and as we waited, they all seemed to fall into full drivel and vapidity mode. (is that a valid conjugation? if not it should be.) here i am, trying to be a humanitarian and i'm starting my panic cycle. as i listen the buzz of vacuous babble in my ears , i am feeling the disgust and horror rise in my throat. i am really in the moment, so while these things are happening, i am also repulsed with myself for having these selfish, arrogant feelings and thoughts in this place and at this time. be that as it may, i couldn't help it. it's amazing how many simultaneous functions your mind is capable of registering. as this was going on, mr edwards walked my way. "oh good Lord. please don't come talk to me." he did. as i said earlier, one on one, i do very well; so his friendliness actually got me talking and out of potential- vomit mode. we chatted for a few minutes until the time was up and we had to get to work.
as i handed out food to these people i felt my whole feeling of self-interest float off of my shoulders. looking in their eyes and watching their children, i got an updated view of what really is important. these are real people. they are very grateful for whatever is distributed. i watched one man ask how to register (as he had just moved to town) and then helped him as he, his wife, and their two kids went through the line to get a little bit of food to help them get through. how difficult and pride-depleting must their situation be? i am fortunate in that i don't know. i have been friends with people in such abject poverty, need, and hopelessness that i could barely comprehend it. but, i have never had to experience it. most of the people at the site tonight are "normal" looking people. they aren't homeless. they aren't crazy. they don't stink, or drool, or talk to themselves. they are just down on their luck, or between work, or working in a place that just doesn't provide enough for their needs. they're not too much different from you or me. we've just been more lucky.
serving another is the most effective way to forget my own problems and find gratitude for everything i have. it's alot. it becomes very easy in our culture to lament over the things we don't have and covet the lifestyle a rung or two up from our own. rather than spending our lives feeling content, too often we expend way too much energy trying to increase possessions and quality of possessions at the expense of that which is truly important. how sad. i have so much, and i thank the Lord for it. why is this lesson so easy to forget?
generally speaking, i don't really like people very much. a person, yes. i will usually enjoy our time together; but , get too many people in one place and all i can do is notice the things i dislike and wish i were anywhere else. i don't usually start to panic or anything, but it has happened. people- when gathered in groups- tend to be loud, talk about stupid crap that makes me ill, and laugh about the most inane, idiotic, trite "jokes" in an attempt to appear to be having a good time. it just drives me nuts, and i HAVE to escape- even if it's only into my own mind. if i'm starting to sound like ted kaczynski, you aren't the first to notice the similarity.
once every three weeks, i volunteer at the hays county food bank. i go on wednesday nights, and we meet at a local community hall. local restaurants and grocery stores donate their unusable perishable foods to the food bank and i get the opportunity to help distribute these items to people from the local area who are truly in need. it is a great gesture on the part of the donating businesses; but, perhaps not as altruistic as it may appear. do they help feed the poor and desperate of america? absolutely. but they also are able to take a pretty nice tax deduction on perishable materials they were going to be unable to use in any profitable way. it is a wash in my mind, but i bet the folks that are able to eat tonight are thanking God for heb and its corporate generosity.
i got to the work place a little early (as requested) and i had about 20 minutes to kill before the recipients were allowed to enter the hall and begin accepting what food we had to offer. in the 20 minute interlude, there is really nothing to do -just sit and wait. there were about 12 people volunteering tonight, and as we waited, they all seemed to fall into full drivel and vapidity mode. (is that a valid conjugation? if not it should be.) here i am, trying to be a humanitarian and i'm starting my panic cycle. as i listen the buzz of vacuous babble in my ears , i am feeling the disgust and horror rise in my throat. i am really in the moment, so while these things are happening, i am also repulsed with myself for having these selfish, arrogant feelings and thoughts in this place and at this time. be that as it may, i couldn't help it. it's amazing how many simultaneous functions your mind is capable of registering. as this was going on, mr edwards walked my way. "oh good Lord. please don't come talk to me." he did. as i said earlier, one on one, i do very well; so his friendliness actually got me talking and out of potential- vomit mode. we chatted for a few minutes until the time was up and we had to get to work.
as i handed out food to these people i felt my whole feeling of self-interest float off of my shoulders. looking in their eyes and watching their children, i got an updated view of what really is important. these are real people. they are very grateful for whatever is distributed. i watched one man ask how to register (as he had just moved to town) and then helped him as he, his wife, and their two kids went through the line to get a little bit of food to help them get through. how difficult and pride-depleting must their situation be? i am fortunate in that i don't know. i have been friends with people in such abject poverty, need, and hopelessness that i could barely comprehend it. but, i have never had to experience it. most of the people at the site tonight are "normal" looking people. they aren't homeless. they aren't crazy. they don't stink, or drool, or talk to themselves. they are just down on their luck, or between work, or working in a place that just doesn't provide enough for their needs. they're not too much different from you or me. we've just been more lucky.
serving another is the most effective way to forget my own problems and find gratitude for everything i have. it's alot. it becomes very easy in our culture to lament over the things we don't have and covet the lifestyle a rung or two up from our own. rather than spending our lives feeling content, too often we expend way too much energy trying to increase possessions and quality of possessions at the expense of that which is truly important. how sad. i have so much, and i thank the Lord for it. why is this lesson so easy to forget?
posted by cm at 10/26/2005
<< Home