blues in the night
i don't exactly know the implied meaning of a "red-letter day." i get the basic concept that it is said with a certain dose of irony and sarcasm; but, i don't know the history of, or the symbolism of the red letter. perhaps it was a medieval piece of correspondence that delivered the news of the plague reaching a new urban area, or a parcel from the war department relating the news of the death of a loved one, or maybe it was the predecessor of the proverbial pink slip. i don't know the etymology, though i would be happy for you to enlighten me. the point is moot, though, as i did not have a red-letter day today.
today was a blue-letter day in my life. blue in the way that miles davis employed the word. quasi-mournful. pensive. solitary. lamenting. regretting. perhaps these are some of the thoughts i have when i listen to music considered to be from his "blue period." i had a long talk with my brother tonight. while the topic of our discussion was not necessarily cheery, i am feeling azure because of comments made peripheral to the primary topic. i verbalized (for the first time) a thought i have been having for over a year.
i have very few, if any, truly close friends. much of this is self-imposed. i don't care to know anyone intimately enough to be considered a best friend. hell, i don't even know myself, how can i be expected to understand or interpret your life? the rest of the reasons for my cloistered existence are unknown to me. it is what it is. i have had one close friend for the last 20 years. we have always been really good friends. about a year ago- maybe more- i started to notice the tell tale signs of a friendship that has fallen on stony ground. where once a blossom of familiarity graced the garden of my life , it suddenly began to lose petals at an alarming rate as the sun scorched the earth around its roots. it is a sad thing to watch a seemingly mature flower wither and die. especially when you don't realize what you've been watching until it is near an end. this is what has happened to my friend and me. we live far apart and rarely see each other. our paths have parted and interests have diverged. our wives are not fond of one another and our lives are so dissimilar. there is ,by no means, any animosity or malice on either part- just the strange but predictable separation of two men as they plow through the ice fields that are our lives. we retain only the smooth glass-like waters ahead , and push to the side any foreign object that doesn't actively contribute to the success of the current leg of our journeys.
in a way, i guess we will always be friends. just to a lesser degree. i was at the home of a second friend tonight. he said something to his wife along the lines of ,"chris is the best kind of friend. i haven't talked to him in 4 months, and everything is still the same." this is who i am. a safety net of friendship. i'll probably be around when you need me, and you can be sure i won't bother you much when you don't. i'd better stop before i get really depressed.
i will miss you my friend. sure, we'll still talk and occasionally see each other. maybe we'll even go on another trip together. but i fear it will never be the same and i view my loss with uncounted sadness.
today was a blue-letter day in my life. blue in the way that miles davis employed the word. quasi-mournful. pensive. solitary. lamenting. regretting. perhaps these are some of the thoughts i have when i listen to music considered to be from his "blue period." i had a long talk with my brother tonight. while the topic of our discussion was not necessarily cheery, i am feeling azure because of comments made peripheral to the primary topic. i verbalized (for the first time) a thought i have been having for over a year.
i have very few, if any, truly close friends. much of this is self-imposed. i don't care to know anyone intimately enough to be considered a best friend. hell, i don't even know myself, how can i be expected to understand or interpret your life? the rest of the reasons for my cloistered existence are unknown to me. it is what it is. i have had one close friend for the last 20 years. we have always been really good friends. about a year ago- maybe more- i started to notice the tell tale signs of a friendship that has fallen on stony ground. where once a blossom of familiarity graced the garden of my life , it suddenly began to lose petals at an alarming rate as the sun scorched the earth around its roots. it is a sad thing to watch a seemingly mature flower wither and die. especially when you don't realize what you've been watching until it is near an end. this is what has happened to my friend and me. we live far apart and rarely see each other. our paths have parted and interests have diverged. our wives are not fond of one another and our lives are so dissimilar. there is ,by no means, any animosity or malice on either part- just the strange but predictable separation of two men as they plow through the ice fields that are our lives. we retain only the smooth glass-like waters ahead , and push to the side any foreign object that doesn't actively contribute to the success of the current leg of our journeys.
in a way, i guess we will always be friends. just to a lesser degree. i was at the home of a second friend tonight. he said something to his wife along the lines of ,"chris is the best kind of friend. i haven't talked to him in 4 months, and everything is still the same." this is who i am. a safety net of friendship. i'll probably be around when you need me, and you can be sure i won't bother you much when you don't. i'd better stop before i get really depressed.
i will miss you my friend. sure, we'll still talk and occasionally see each other. maybe we'll even go on another trip together. but i fear it will never be the same and i view my loss with uncounted sadness.
posted by cm at 10/31/2005
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