dia de los muertos

my father is the resident eulogizer of our clan. well, of our community altogether. i can't tell you how many funerals i have been to in the past 25 years, and my father has spoken at well over half of them. the reasons are many. i guess the first is that he is good at it and he always says "yes." he knows everyone and he is able to project genuinely when relating tales of a friend's life. he is wise and is able to reassure others in words of peace and confidence. it is also worthy of note that he almost never gets emotional enough to lose control of his feelings. that may not be accurate. let me say that he is possessed with an uncanny ability to control his emotions when others are displaying theirs on their sleeves, collars, shirt fronts, et al.

only once can i remember him showing obvious emotional loss at a funeral. it was when he was speaking at the funeral of my uncle rick. i believe today would have been uncle rick's 57th birthday. i'm sure of the birthday, not as sure of the birth year. dad is the oldest child and rick his junior by 2 years. when he spoke of his little brother and their growing up as best friends, he needed a minute to compose himself. i've never seen that happen since. as we lived 1000 miles away from him, i never knew him as well as i should liked to have. insert regret. but, we did spend some time together, and i remember a very cool, extremely kind and generous man. uncle rick was an alcoholic. i understand he lived a rough life for a long time, drinking, smoking, divorcing, and partying to excess. he found a wonderful woman to marry and they found religion. for the last years of his life, he was sober and happy. the problem was that the alcohol had done so much damage to his body that it was unable to recover. he died from complications resulting from alcohol abuse.

the other time i can remember my dad becoming overwhelmed, he was talking to me about my grandfather. grandpa died when i was 12. (he was a wonderful guy. he reminds me of a cross between archie bunker and ralph kramden. in a good way. he loved football, john wayne, and lots of greasy, fatty food. he died of a heart- attack. i think he was 53.) on the day in question dad was telling me stories of his childhood. he said grandpa was a loving, caring father. he has wonderful memories of his childhood; but, grandpa was often drunk, as he was an alcoholic.

i am a teetotaler. my religion prohibits alcoholic consumption. and, alcoholism runs in my family. don't misunderstand...i have had my share of alcohol in my day. usually in excess, and always illegally (under-age.) i haven't drunk alcohol in almost 20 years, and on a day like today- with the memories it's brung- i remember the reasons why.