square peg

i went with some friends to cabella's last night. if you are uninformed, please allow me to illuminate. cabella's is a grotesquely enormous hunting and fishing retailer in buda. i can't imagine many things less appealing to me than the pursuit either of these endeavors.

i have fished several times in my life. i am absolutely without patience, knowledge or aptitude. i'm the ignorant fool that shows up with a can of worms. a red one. hill's brother's. i once went fishing with two very nice men for whom i used to work. we went on a chartered trip on lake buchanan and fished for striped bass. we each caught our limit, and charlotte and i ate the most wonderfully fresh meal that night. the guides did EVERYTHING. put us on the fish, removed fish from our lines, cleaned and wrapped the fish. all i had to do was eat. that doesn't keep me from pretending i will fish one day. i even own a rod and reel ; but, let's be honest...it will never happen.

i never have spent a shell of any sort in the direction of a live animal. as i recall the story: my dad went out with his dad and grandfather when he was an adolescent. it was dad's first time hunting, and someone shot a deer. it may have been dad for all i know. if not, it should have been. the story tells better that way. regardless, the three of them chased over to the spot where the deer had fallen, and discovered the deer still struggling for breath. apparently my great grand-father killed the deer as it inhaled air and exhaled blood. it was not the kind of scene that lends itself to a return engagement. it affected dad in such a way as to prevent his ever hunting for anything again. he never taught me, and i never cared to learn on my own. interestingly, i write this without the slightest iota of regret.

living in hays county, texas, i am invited many times each year to accompany someone on a hunting trip. deer, dove, quail - it doesn't matter, i can never convince myself to go. the idea interests me, and the concept of filling our freezer with fresh meat intrigues me; but, i think if one hasn't attempted a venture like this by his 36th year, it may be too late. at least it is for me. it's not that i don't know how to shoot a firearm, i've done that a sufficient number of times to be proficient enough. it's not that i don't care for the meat. i've eaten enough game to know i really like it. the problem is that i don't want to look into the face of one of god's creation that i have just killed. i don't have the constitution for that.

i guess i'll have to be content with receiving meat in the way nature intended- wrapped in butcher paper, fresh from the local butcher.