Sunday, April 08, 2007

ritahhhhhhh!

i love big hunk candy bars. when i am driving somewhere on a road trip (so-called) this is the mainstay of my gee dunk purchasing regimen. it has long been this way. i believe i discovered the beauty of the big hunk from my dad. big hunks, suzy q's and doctor pepper were the junk food of my childhood and youth. while dp and the big hunk are still very viable in my life, the suzy q is so rife with sugar that i feel like i may fall into a diabetic coma if i eat one.

while a missionary on the navajo reservation, the big hunk assumed a whole new level of interest in my life. a navajo singer recorded a song that was played on the reservation radio stations for a very long time. it was a bout a man, his girl rita, and a candy bar. after much fruitless searching, i recently found the song on the internet. it took a while, because i didn't remember the singer's name, nor the name of the song.
listen to the song

in case you don't care to listen to the live rendition, here are the words. it's not a very poignant song; but ,it makes me laugh:

i met ole rita down by the graveyard yesterday,
and she told me that she would love me whole lotta days.
and then i told her that i wanted to marry her,
but she said you got to steal the candy bar.

so i went on down to the tradin' post to steal the candy bar,
she was waitin' outside by the gasoline pump for me.
i went inside and took an ole big hunk candy bar,
stuck it in my pocket, tried to leave the store.

as i was walkin' by the peanut brittle, a man came up to me,
he said, "sonny boy ,you're in big, big trouble."
i said, "what's wrong mr. tradin' post man,
i didn't do anythin' to you."

he reached into my pocket, took out the candy bar.
he said, "son, your goin' up to jail."
an' the navajo police came an' took me away
i'll never see rita no more

i'm sitting in the jail house waiting for the day,
to get on back home to her.
but i guess i'll always be here in window rock my friend,
i'll never see rita no more
just because of that crazy candy bar.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

'I don't believe in Beatles — I just believe in me'.

something just happened to me that really freaked me out. i thought i would write about ; but, first a little back story:

when i was about 14 or 15, our stake held a fireside for the youth and their parents. the speaker was a guy named len (lynn?) bryson. he was presenting "music and the occult" or something along those lines. his thesis was that for decades, the youth of the world -america- church had been consciously and subconsciously led to satan through the efforts of some of the worlds most popular musicians. from what i can remember:

the beatles wanted me to "smoke pot, smoke pot, everybody smoke pot."

queen were gay, and also wanted me to "start to smoke marijuana." this message was "audible" by listening to "another one bites the dust" backwards.

led zeppelin wanted me to "look to the west" although christ would be coming from the east. they also back-masked the message of "my sweet satan."

"hotel california" was the home of anton levay and the church of satan...no eagles.

styx was obviously satanic because they were named for the river that separates the underworld from the rest of God's creations (at least for the ancient greeks.) they also sang of being "snowblind" which is all about being high on cocaine.

ozzy? satan-worshiper, bat-muncher and alamo-urinator...bad.

and then there is ac/dc. whether their name was an symbol for bisexuality or an acronym for "against christ/devil's children;" it should have been clear that something was up with them ringing "hell's bells" on the "highway to hell." supposedly brian johnson is possessed by the spirit of bonn scott who died of an overdose...hence the real meaning of their their first post-bonn album/single "back in black."

there may be others, but this is all that i can remember. i recall sitting in the chapel thinking to myself, "what a load of crap. if you hadn't told me what to listen for in this bask-masking unmasking, i would have never have figured it out. random stretches of the imagination and ancient mythology do little to convince me that there is a great conspiracy." i also remember him talking about astral-projection, which sounded ridiculous then, i still don't get it now.

on the way home from the fireside, i seem to remember talking with my parents about how interesting the presentation was; but, i don't remember any of us putting much weight into what we had heard. on the contrary, charlotte's mom took her home and had her break and then throw into the dumpster any music mentioned by the speaker or found in his materials which were for sale at the fireside. oh, well. that was the end of that, until tonight.

finally- at 11:00- i was on my way home from church. i've been listening to kzep 104.5 lately. this is san antonio's classic rock station. it is the best. unlike some others, this station is more likely to play ozzy than altmann brothers. more zeppelin, less jethro tull. i was on hilliard road when "alive" by pearl jam ended, and the next song came up. at first it sounded like the beginning of "nights in white satin." all of a sudden in turned into the obvious sound of back masking. i didn't know what was "being said," but it sent a shudder through my body, and scared the crap out of me. i turned the station, and looked all around me to see if anyone was in the back of the truck. you know how you keep turning to check behind you when you're scared. i'm still a little freaked out now. every dog howl or bark outside makes me trip out. this is the kind of night when getting in the bed is so cool; because, even when you're 37, you still have to make sure every bit of your body is under the covers. everyone knows that anything left exposed is fair game to the bogeyman...or at least jimmy page.