Sunday, April 30, 2006

the congressional medal of ugly

yesterday, i had a short little break from work, and decided to drive down to the bicycle sport shop to pick up some new grips. as i drove down the hill at lamar and 3rd, i noticed a little bird on the street. there are all manner of birds living under the overpass here, and they are often in the street, so i didn't pay much attention to it until i got very close. it was then that i noticed that it had been hit by a car and was struggling to walk over to the curb. it was pathetic to see it in this disfigured state trying to get its body to perform a simple function. by the time my brain had registered what had happened, and that there was no chance it would recover, i had already passed. when i got up to barton springs and couldn't stand the thought of this little bird dying a slow death; i decided to drive back and run it over with my tire, so as to end its suffering quickly. by the time i got back to the place where i had seen the bird, it was already dead.

i never got my grips.

several years ago, charlotte and i were driving two cars from wimberley to san marcos. who knows why? too often, we are stuck with two vehicles because we have met somewhere. this is one of the downsides of being part of the long-distance commuting community. anyway, i was following her when we approached the city limits of san marcos. out of the woods on the left, came a deer bounding across ranch road 12. she didn't hit the deer as much as it ran into the side of her car. we both stopped, and she got out of the car crying. for receiving what i thought to be a glancing blow, this poor thing was really messed up. i told charlotte to drive to her parents house and i would take care of calling the sherrif's department. after she left -thankfully- the deer tried to get up and run off. it looked alot like the bird did yesterday. it would no more stand up before it fell. it was bleeding from every body opening. after watching it blow blood bubbles out of its mouth for a minute, i decided to put it out of its misery. it was one of the hardest things i had done, but i drove my car over the deer's neck. i assume it broke the neck, and killed it instantly, but i didn't looks back to see.

i don't know why a suffering animal disturbs me so much, but i can't stand it. i don't know whether my actions are humanitarian or cruel, but i left those settings feeling more at peace knowing that the injured animal was no longer in pain.

here's hoping i'm not around if you ever are the recipient of a grievous injury.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

innocent critters squashed on the highway of life



for the next three days, jackson and i are on our own. charlotte has gone to her annual texas librarian's association conference. the location of the conference changes each year. generally the rotation includes austin, san antonio, dallas, and this year's winner - houston. she always goes with the same three girls. norma, kay, and someone else. i can't remember the other lady's name.

so far, we have had a pretty uneventful start to the bachelorosity. jackson didn't want to go out to eat or go to the river. he wanted to go straight home. this kid is the biggest homebody. he just loves to be here. we have a lot of land on which to play, he has every toy ever made, and he loves to play with our dogs...come to think of it, there is no reason to go anywhere else. i on the other hand, get much too restless at home for too long of a period. he takes after his mother.

the highlight of the evening is going to be our watching "fandango." i first started watching "fandango" with neil and brian, a long time ago. i've seen it so many times that i couldn't possibly begin to estimate a number. of course, one of the priorities when jackson was born was to begin indoctrinating him into the ways of the groover. he loves it, and will even break out with a quote if the timing is appropriate. sometimes he will give charlotte a hard time by suggesting that they are going to watch this as their midnight movie. charlotte doesn't love it as much as we do and has even developed a mechanism that limits the number of times she can see it in a month before tiring of the movie. how unfortunate. she told me the other day that fandango isn't necessarily a "kid movie." what in the world is that supposed to mean? i mean other than the odd curse word, the rampant drinking, the repeated "moonings", and the nonvirtuous pursuit of women? i think she's being a little picky.

a couple of years ago, jackson and i took a camping trip to big bend national park. we had a fantastic time with david and drew. on the way home, j and i took a detour in order to visit some of the places where the filming of "fandango" took place. most of these places are in the near vicinity of the big bend, so we got them all done in one day. it was a good day, highlighted by our visit to the "dom" rock. one day, i'm sure we'll go again, maybe we'll save room for you in the car.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

beauty is in the eye of ME

Cinematography: The art or technique of movie photography, including both the shooting and development of the film.

iover the years, i have created a list of the three most beautiful movies i have seen. i am not meaning in sentimentality, depth of meaning, or capacity for inspiration. i simply mean in terms of containing the most beautiful scenery from beginning to end. by coincidence, two of the three were on television tonight, and i found myself flipping back and forth in an attempt to watch both. needless to say, all i accomplished was that i saw little of either.

it was a senseless exercise from its inception as i own all three movies on dvd, and could watch them continuously for a month if i so desired. somehow, coming upon a loved movie by happenstance creates a feeling of excitement not present when i merely scan through my home selections; instead, it is as if providence were reaching out when i accidentally find it beamed to me from the archives at hbo.

in addition to being unsurpassed in their collection of resplendent scenery and being three of my favorite movies; each contains timeless wisdom in its dialogue that speaks to me.

here are my three, in the order in which i found them:

a river runs through it - "It is those we live with and love and should know who elude us. "

the last of the mohicans - "Don't try to understand them; and don't try to make them understand you."

the edge - "What one man can do, another can do." and " We're all put to the test... but it never comes in the form or at the point we would prefer, does it?"

watch them for yourself. if you are not drawn by the wonderful storylines of survival, hope, and renewal; perhaps you will be by the rich and descriptive dialogue. barring that, i find it inconceivable that you can remain unmoved by the unmatched beauty of the wildernesses in which these three stories occur.

happy watching.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

my lyin' eyes

i went to play golf yesterday. as is often the case, i went at the spur of the moment, and was on a very limited time schedule. so far this doesn't sound like much of a formula for success, but i went anyway. i ended up at hancock golf course. hancock was built in 1899, and is recognized as the oldest golf course in the state of texas. originally consisting of 18 holes, hancock is the site of the original austin country club. harvey penick learned to caddy, play, teach, and coach right here. the north half of the course was sold to developers when the second acc was built in 1949.

today the course is a short, nine-hole push-over frequented by college students, old-timers, and people with limited time. it is the place where i learned to play golf. for a couple of years -right after i started playing- i was at hancock 4 or 5 days a week. it's really not much, but it is familiar and fun.

while i was playing 3 and 4, i saw a high school age kid meandering along the treeline that divides the 2nd fairway from the creek. since it was 9:00 in the morning, i figured he was skipping school in pursuit of trouble, golf balls or chicks. it was odd that i think i heard him shriek. then again, maybe that was just my imagination. either way, i had my eye on him...not because i thought anything untoward was going to happen, he just had my attention.

as i approached the 5th tee, i got a look at what he was really waiting for. a young girl was walking across the street from the private school which was built on the former back nine. i thought, "typical kids" and stopped paying attention to them while i played my ball off the tee. as i looked up from retrieving my bag, i noticed that they were deep in the throes of embrace. they were over 70 yards away, so i didn't pay them much mind. i thought it really lame of them to be skipping school to hug in the middle of a golf course. i considered that the "i love you's " of the adolescent are so lame...simplistic, ignorant, and vapid. don't worry. i know that of which i speak. sadly, i seem to remember participating in some of this foolishness when i was a youth. looking back, it is shameful to say so much to someone you hardly even know. especially, in that, at this age, one can hardly know one's self. as i got closer i became aware that this young girl was weeping. bitterly. her male friend was holding her up as much as he was comforting her. just as i realized what was happening, he caught my eye; and, i looked away, ashamed of my intrusion. that is how quickly it changed. i went from disdain and derision to compassion and empathy in an instant.

who knows but that her problems are nowhere near worthy of her reaction? after all, she is a teenage girl, and these have been known to overreact on occasion. perhaps her sorrow is the natural consequence due to her own actions. perhaps she is dealing with problems and sorrows i can not fathom. who knows? nevertheless, i am so sensitive to the feelings of others that i was moved.

i also reflected on a few other things. how easily can we misunderstand and judge others with little to no information? too often, is my experience. how sad that this lesson is so difficult to grasp.

it reminded me of the time i was playing this same hole and a homeless man was walking towards me. i steeled myself for the inevitable monetary request until i realized that the "homeless" guy was my good friend ron who is quite wealthy. he just looks homeless out of personal choice. see. i told you i am a slow learner when it comes to judging a cover.

it also made me realize that in not too many years, jackson will be a teenage boy living a life i know nothing of. girls, friends, problems, college, skipping school. these are all things he may rather share in the middle of the golf course than with me or his mother. i know it, because this is how i was. it breaks my heart to think of him crying out of desperation or sadness, and deciding that some dumb kid can help him more that we. maybe he will be more mature than i, and will be able to discuss things with us. maybe we will give him the skills and direction necessary to avoid the more seemingly devastating things so many kids deal with.

here's hoping we will be up to the challenge of teaching him the things we know and giving him the opportunities needed to learn the rest. my awareness of parenthood's ubiquity is renewed and expanded...at least until the next time i realize that i am still behind the curve.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

whassup with the shirt?

i do believe that i forgot to mention the fact that i may be turning into a woman.

a couple of weeks ago, i was up late and found myself watching the dallas cowboys cheerleader tryouts on cmt. if this sounds masculine just because the show featured alot of hot women jumping and spinning around for two hours, that's where you would be correct. on the other hand, the main point the show was trying to convey was that the emotions and stress these women endure in order to "put on the most special uniform in the world." i didn't get caught up in the "emotional rollercoaster" but did have a good time laughing at how sad the whole process is. charlotte couldn't believe i was watching such crap until she realized that she was engrossed as well.

now for the really alarming development. last tuesday i was extremely sick. i didn't get out of bed for much of anything. to make matters worse, there was not much on television, and i didn't want to get up to choose a dvd. what was that song bruce sang about something like 67 channels? well, i was living it. i ended up watching -here it comes- an hbo special about the usa women's soccer team. i had heard of these women, and even knew a few of their names( who can forget that nike commercial with kg and brandi chastain? classic.) check it out-
http://www.foosballheaven.com/mov/nikebrandigarnett.mov

nevertheless, i am a bit of a sports misogynist, so i had never seen anything any of them had done. this was a two hour show about the history of the team from 1991 or so until 2005 when the last of the old-timers retired (mia hamm and two other chicks i can't remember.)

it was a compelling story...starting with no money or support from the us soccer federation, very little to no fan support, and your typical spattering of "human interest" stories. in the end, they were the best in the world and selling out 75,000 seat football stadiums. somewhere along the way, i got caught up in the story and it got pretty emotional. i was really grateful no one else was home.

i like to think it was a near overdose of benadryl that caused my temporary chick-osity. barring that, i guess i need to find out when oprah is on. excuse me, i think i need to vomit after writing that last.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

1/2 shining moment

so, last night was the national championship of ncaa men's basketball. ucla and florida were pitted in a matchup of non-historic proportions. the famous fathers of the florida gator players provided a more compelling storyline than did the team, itself. likewise, the stellar ucla alumni in the audience created more excitement than the actual bruins. such is life. no matter how i love college basketball, i couldn't compel myself to stay awake much past halftime. the main reason is that i am old, and i had to awaken at 5 in the morning; the other reason is that i could smell a rout, and in a game of relative unknowns about whom i have little interest, this provided no late-night incentive.

there was a time when i missed almost no part of the tournament. i would skip school, stay up late for the highlights, and find any way possible to see game footage and written descriptions of all things ncaa tournament. i knew the first 7 or 8 players on all the major teams, and could tell you something about nearly every team in the tournament that had any chance whatsoever of making the final weekend. those days are long past. shoot, i didn't even fill out a bracket this year.

it isn't that i don't care. the tournament still provides some of the most riveting contests of any sport going today. i just have too many other things occupying my mind, now.

there are alot of years of my life that i remember based on who won the tournament in that given year. i could rattle off the champs from '76-'93 without skipping a beat (actually i could go back to the early sixties. prior to iu in '76, you had ucla forever with a nc state and a texas western thrown in for variety.) those were the years ('76-'93) ranging from when i became aware until i got married. not that i blame my loss of watching time and interest on my lovely wife. well, not exactly. it's just that at some point around '93 or '4 it became less important to watch college hoop all week long for 4 months. perhaps this is one way that i can see some semblance of having begun to grow up. well, it's either that or another on the list of things i love which have been arbitrarily cast aside. same thing i guess. it's just a matter of how you want to look at it. i prefer the former.

besides, there's always next year.

p.s. the unlv runnin' rebels from 1989-1991 are still the best team i have ever seen.

Monday, April 03, 2006

opening day

today was the first day of swimming lessons. as i, of course, know how to swim quite well; i am meaning lessons for jackson.

this is the 3rd year of lessons for him. just after he turned four, we decided it was past time for him to have some official swimming lessons. through some of our west austin crowd friends, we had heard of ms. debbie. ms. debbie has given swimming lessons out of her home swimming pool for 28 years, and is the person to see when you need to be seen. nevertheless, we decided to hire her. i think our decision was based heavily on the fact that jackson's friend william was going to be attending a class at the same time. semi-private swim lessons on mt. barker road do not come easily. for just over 4 times the going rate at the city rec center, we secured a spot in her upcoming summer program. i'm surprised we were able to sneak into the neighborhood driving a bourgeois car like a honda.

as it turned out, ms. debbie is a fantastic teacher, and jackson loves her classes. we have not ever regretted the ridiculous cost of his lessons...well, almost never. he was "swimming" after only the first week, and i was duly impressed. each session has been very productive, and jackson really looks forward to the first of april when the spring swim season begins. this has paid off enormously because one of my favorite things to do is swim, and i love swimming with the j-man.

although this experiment in west austin private lessons has been a resounding success, we need to get jackson back to san marcos before he wants to learn something really expensive. like golf, or equestrian pursuits.

responsibility cluster

i have noticed that my writings have become fewer and more sporadic. my life has become unabashedly hectic as of late, and i have been unwilling to find the little amount of time it would require to compose the few musings needed to placate my needs. well, here's hoping the gridlock will loosen its grasp.